It is often said that a rocky marriage actually consists of 6 people. Bear with me, it sounds complicated, but it’s quite simple. The six people are; you, the person you think you are, the person your spouse thinks you are, your spouse, the person your spouse thinks they are and the person you think they are.
Count them up, there are six, and they can all be distinct and individual. This is recognised in many interview techniques where instead of asking the candidate to describe themselves the interviewer will ask how their colleagues would describe them.
Working on the answer to that question opens up a whole series of questions about ourselves, especially if we take the question seriously and truly consider who we are and how other people regard us. In an ideal world the two should be quite close to each other, but in reality this line of questioning can have a serious impact on our ego when we think about the things that we consider important and then compare them to those things that our colleagues, friends and partners consider important.
Simply put our ego can be defined as three things.
1. That which we do.
2. That which we own.
3. That which others think of us.
Imagine you are at a business function and don’t really know any one, an attractive member of the opposite sex walk up and says “Hi, my name is John / Jane, pleased to meet you. What do you do?”
Honestly in a subconscious effort to impress, most of us would answer in one of the three categories above.
1. I am a [insert job title here]
2. I own a small business in [insert impressive location here]
3. I lead a successful team of [insert adoring team functions here]
In itself there is nothing wrong with that especially in when all three are in balance. But look around you now you will be able to identify those where the balance is not obvious. That person needs to drive around in a flash car, that person is always demonstrating their value by working 27 hour days 8 days a week, that person is buying peoples affection by attempting to be all things to all men and so on.
Now look at yourself, what is it that drives you? Your family, your children, your team, your wage slip, the size of your house, the horse power of your car, recognition from your peers?
None of these things are wrong, providing that you are aware of that which drives you and how that drive manifests in your day to day activity. Where there is discord or imbalance we might look to improve the situation and as in business these four things that can help us.
1. Identify
2. Understand
3. Control
4. Improve
By identifying and understanding what drives your ego, you can control it, and through control you can make the improvements that you want to. When that happens you can bring yours and others view of yourself closer together.
By the way, each of the three questions in the title only has one correct answer. I wonder if you know them?
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